I Can't Hear You

So last Sunday I woke up with a sore throat. Not your everyday sore throat. This felt like 152 sharp knives doused with vinegar were stabbing me. Now if I didn't have to talk, eat or breath I was in good shape. Over the next couple of days my head swelled to the size of a nuclear sub warhead and my nose morphed into a family of five complete with house and white picket fence. And finally the cough. You know the sound. Like a miserable seal begging onlookers for food.

I had to see a new doctor which I didn't care about at that point, but I can say that I won't be seeing her again. Through the entire visit she just kept giggling. Oh you can't hear?-- giggling, Oh you can't breath?--giggling, Oh you're heart is beating too fast? Yep giggling -- are you kidding me? I'm telling you I might be dying and what's funny about that?

On the way home I realize my gas light is on. And I get so focused on getting home because I'm totally not pushing if I run out of gas, that I completely space on dropping off the prescription. Of course I realize this after I've gotten in the house, washed my hands and let the dogs out of their crate. I drop off the prescriptions and find out how bad I'm going to be ripped off. This is important information when you don't have health insurance. One prescription could wipe out my retirement. I decide to get the one prescription, it's $72 but forgo the cough medicine that is $100.

You know the gastrointestinal problems that come with antibiotics. So after many urgent trips to the bathroom in which I think my insides have dropped out I have another problem. A fire has erupted between my butt cheeks and the running through the hallway has caused fires to start in various places along the route! No seriously. I now have to stay in the bathroom where there is plenty of water at hand. Oh the scars...

I try to watch a movie and keep asking Mr. Grumpy to turn it up. He says "what are you deaf"? And I say "I can't hear you".

Thankfully I can say I'm feeling better. Not so good drugs and a 56 ounce bag of M&M's have done the trick for the most part. And I didn't even have to use a fork.